Thoughts from the slop.
Tinnitus.
Or my mistress Barbera.
She has been around for so many years it is simply life now. I have good days, weeks, months. the last few weeks Barbera has been playing up.
To describe Barbera is quite hard. Barbers is right sided for me. All the right ear.
The left ear does decide to play a tune every now and again however it is thankfully very short lived.
Sometimes I get pressure in the ear. Once upon a time it was never ending pressure. The same as when your ears refuse to pop going up a mountain or when on a plane.
Thankfully this pressure is rare for me now. I have learnt if my Eustachian tube is clear and I am free of head colds I can keep the pressure at bay. This took a few years to learn though and was done the hard way. .
Otovent is the tool I use for this.
The noise I liken to a fire alarm. A constant tone. Once I found a tone on YouTube that matched it and via headphones my head noise vanished. They masked one another. The page disappeared. I will go in search of another page like this.
Think of the noise as sitting in an office environment and the building alarm goes off. Just a high-pitched noise that everyone wants to stop and most people just ignore and carry on working until ushered outside. .
The alarm goes off and everything says thank fuck under their breath as the ringing was terribly loud and annoying.
Yet for me…this noise never ends.
The fire alarm is always with me.
I have tracked the tinnitus over the years. For years I had an excel sheet. Tracking sleep, food, stress, exercise, all with the hope I could find a common denominator. The one thing that made it worse. Was it dairy, was it stress, was it alcohol, what is it I asked, over and over.
I sat in front of an ENT Dr at a hospital in London. I was attending a tinnitus sleep clinic where they were looking at various tools to help people with tinnitus. I went to London 5 or 6 times I think over 5 or 6 months for a day. This whole exercise did help me a lot. If anything, it was the realisation that compared to some people I was rather lucky as Barbera for me was nothing compared to what some people were suffering.
I pulled out my laptop in front of the ENT Doc and showed her this piece of wonderful artwork. Everything tracked. She acknowledged my work and gently said that the more I focus on this the more I am thinking about it. She suggested I stop tracking it.
So, I stopped there and then.
Did this make a difference – yes. I was not thinking about potential causes during the day.
I have realised there is zero reason for it to spike or dip apart from having a head cold or sinus issues. Otherwise, it is totally random.
The worst time is still bed. I am awoken by the alarm at random times in the night. 0300hrs this week. Barbera was so loud it felt to me as if the dog could hear the noise. I simply lay and listen to it. I can for a while. But Barbera gets too much. I end up getting up and reading or simply taking the dog out for a walk before most of the world has even considered waking up.
I can focus on another task and allow myself to accept the rhythm that is the noise.
There really is no common thread as to what spikes the noise.
Accepting the Noise, has been the biggest battle I have had. The noise has been with me since 92 Ish. I have diary notes saying how I have this noise in my head.
The real darkness was the late 90s and again from 2016 onwards to 2023. This phase was horrendous. Utterly debilitating at times.
The tools I use:
Bower and Wilkins PX8. The noise cancellation seems to work. The noise is still there but it is dulled.
Apple air pods. I use these in the day at work. I only use the right ear pod.
Flare ear buds. I have used these on and off. I bought the original ones and still have them. Not the comfiest and I really don’t know if they work or if it is placebo.
Silence. Now this is the hardest. I simply sit and listen to the noise. Habituation. I have done this so many times I have befriended Barbera. I do feel like I can turn this noise down now. I hear myself saying to Barbera to lower the tone. I ask her to turn off the noise. . She is yet to follow the turn off instruction. .
Exercise. Now here is the game changer for me. Running and the Concept 2 Ski Erg. I can literally after 15 to 20 mins not hear Barbera the fire alarm. The running takes me to a place that is quiet freedom. Perhaps this is why I have run for hours and hours and covered some stupid distances because it sets me free of Barbera.
Lifting weights has a similar effect but Barbera is still there. The Cardiovascular exercise is for me a huge part of winning the battle of Barbera the tinnitus.
Walking the dog in the hills or the woods has a similar effect to running. The noise still exists but it is reduced. Perhaps this is why I walk the dog up to 10 hours a week!
Saturday, I received a what’s app from a dear friend to the effect his tinnitus has been horrendous the last few days. It truly breaks my heart for him. He has 2 ears of noise…
I honestly ask how the fuck I would cope with both ears. His Barbera appeared after a bout of antibiotics if I remember correctly.
Tips and tricks for my mate woody wood wooder:
Get outside into the fresh air. Walk in the woods.
Reduce dairy. This had no effect on me, but I knew people at the tinnitus support group that reducing dairy helped.
Fathom is noise cancellation headphones work.
Sit or lay down and simply listen to Barbera. The outcome is to make friends with it. How the fuck you do that when it is 2 sided, I have no idea though!!
Otovent. Try it. They are not expensive or use a balloon and try it. Not once but every day for a few weeks.
Flare ear buds… Worth a punt as you can leave them in. Placebo maybe. Not silly money so worth a punt.
Try and jog and or run even if it is lamp post to lamp post.
Consider inflammation in the body. Reduce carbs, I again have not noticed that a carb reduction has helped BUT I feel better for not eating as much carb. Remove bread.
Eat more protein. Meat. Fish. Every meal. This is just good anyway.
Give up the alcohol if you are drinking it. Even for a month or two. I rarely drink now and again if I do drink, I am not aware of a spike in Barbera, but I feel better in myself and more able to cope with Barbera.
All in all – -It is about making sure your feel strong of mind and body to manage the noise. If you are feeling good in the body your mind will be stronger. All the lessons to me have led to the place that health is first. Feeling good has not dimmed the Tinnitus BUT I am stronger in my mind and body and better able to cope with the angst that constant ringing brings.
Easier said than done as the noise creates a want to drink or eat to run away from the noise. The drink and food are an easy way to mask the noise. Feeling strong mentally and physically created the ability to better manage the fire alarm mistress that is Barbera the Tinnitus.
No one cares. That is the truth.
#blog
#tinnitus
#thinking