Life is only now. Life gives us all periods of darkness. Unchosen darkness that comes from grief and trauma.
The darkness created for me created an understanding of now.
This moment. I awoke to this feeling that all my plans for the day are irrelevant. I have only now. Tomorrow actually does not exist yet. So really I can make tomorrow however I choose.
The eternal NOW.
Exercise gives me the silence. I can escape the noise that rattles in my head all day. The ringing that is my own personal orchestra called Barbera. AKA my Tinnitus.
Friday at the church was great. A row. Something I rarely do. The Concept2 RowErg most certainly teaches one things.
700M 3 mins rest x4.
Round 1. I struggle with my breath still if I go up through the gears too quick. I finished. I was pissed off. I rested. I considered what did not work and I went again.
Round 2. Better. The pain in my soul was real. I was happy.
Rowing I shall add into my plan for a minimum of 1 session for a the next few weeks. Then in November maybe do a touch more.
The brain is floating towards doing some ultras next year through the summer. I hate summer exercise so running could be a good thing for me. I must do what I dislike. It is the only way I have self managed me.
